After 22 Years, Gina Got to Be Just a Mom: Abby and Katie's Story

Before two people move in together through Homies, they meet on three to four matchmaking calls. The whole point is to find out, before anyone signs anything, whether they're going to thrive together, whether the connection runs deep enough to build a life on.

Abby, 22, signed up as a Homie looking for a place of her own. Katie signed up as a supportive roommate. Our team matched their profiles and connected them on a video call together with Abby's mom, Gina.

Katie opened with: "Sorry, I'm a mess right now. I just moved back to California from Missouri. But hi! Yeah, I don't know what else to talk about right now."

Abby had been on one of these calls before, with a different potential roommate who hadn't been the right fit. Katie was new to it.

So Abby went first.

"I read on your profile that you really like anime. What's your favorite right now?"

That's how it started. Not with intake questions or goals or behavior plans. It started with anime. Then thrifting. Then a tangent about Crunchyroll, which Abby didn't know existed and Katie explained like a friend telling a friend.

By the end of the call, they were debating Diet Coke versus Diet Pepsi (both Coke loyalists, both fine with zero sugar), confessing celebrity crushes (Katie: Matthew Lillard. Gina, jumping in unprompted: Kid Rock).

This is what a Homies matchmaking call sounds like.

What Makes a Match a Match

Late in the call, Gina is going down a chore checklist with Abby.

Gina: "How many times have you taken out the trash in your life?"

Abby: "A few times."

Gina: "A few times. Okay. You're 22."

Katie, from her end: "I will take out the trash."

Gina: "She doesn't mind the trash! Okay! Done. Sold!"

Three more meetings followed, some on video, some in person. By the time they moved in together, Katie and Abby were already friends.

We asked Abby, before the move, what she was most excited about with Katie.

"She is my friend," Abby said.

The Backstory

Abby has been a Regional Center of Orange County client since before she was two. She's into anime, thrifting, gothic and alternative aesthetics, piercings, and she has five rubber snakes she considers pets. Until this spring, she lived with her parents.

Katie was in Missouri until recently. A few years there, and a move back home to California, and some time at her parents' place in Tustin while she figured out what came next. She'd been doing community-based caregiving for eight years and loved it.

What she hadn't done before was choose.

"In previous positions, they'll put you with anybody just because of their availability and location," she said. "You don't really vibe with the person, or they don't like you because you're too young or too old."

"I needed a purpose in my life," Katie said. "As soon as I saw Abby's profile, I was like, oh my God, this seems like the perfect thing." She read it and started imagining a life. A thrifting buddy. Someone she could go to Comic Con with. Someone to watch anime with.

On Abby's side, the same thing was happening. She read Katie's profile beforehand, picked who she wanted next to her, on her own terms.

"I'm Just Abby's Mom Now"

For 22 years, Gina has been Abby's caretaker, her best friend, and her mom, all at the same time. Three full-time roles, one person, no off switch.

This spring, that changed.

"For the first time, I'm just Abby's mom," Gina told us. "I'm experiencing what other parents experience when their kids move out. I'm in mom mode. And Katie is helping take over the role of best friend and caretaker."

What Two Weeks In Looks Like

The small moments are already stacking up.

There was the day Abby wore a Panic at the Disco shirt featuring Katie's favorite album. Katie has it on vinyl. They put it on and listened together. There's Katie's big dog, who Abby was a little intimidated by at first and is slowly warming up to. There's the cat. And there's the snake conversation, because Katie noticed.

"I told her that if things go well, in a couple months, we can maybe start looking at a real snake as a pet," Katie said. "So far, she's been enjoying my animals."

Ask Katie how she'd describe her role and she lands somewhere a long way from caregiver-and-client.

"Just providing guidance, but at a friendship level instead of someone who's superior. Being a friend and giving her guidance instead of telling her what to do. I think that's what works."

Gina sees it from the other side.

"There's so much that Katie does that I can pretty much guarantee isn't mandatory of her. She doesn't need to do it. She chooses to," Gina said. "That's how we know we picked the right person and the right program."

What Parents Actually Want to Know

Gina has been doing this long enough to know the gap between what the system measures and what families actually care about.

"All you ever hear about, since Abby's been in Regional Center programs since before she was two, is goals," she said. "Those things are important from an agency's point of view. But from a parent's point of view, we don't necessarily care about goals. We want to know, did they have fun today? Did you guys go do something? Did she make a friend? Was she happy? Did something bring her joy today?"

Two weeks in, the answers are yes.

"We are so team Katie and Abby," Gina said. "Anything Katie needs, we're there for her too."

Near the end of our call, Gina circled back to the line she most wanted other parents to hear.

"There are options," she said. "If there's any way I could help, I'd like to see the program blossom for other families."

A daughter who lived with her parents for 22 years now has her own apartment and a roommate who chose her. A supportive roommate who needed a purpose found one, and got a real friendship with it.

Thank you to Regional Center of Orange County for trusting us with this match, and to Gina, Abby, and Katie for letting us share their story.

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If you're a family in Orange County thinking about life-sharing for your adult son or daughter, we'd love to talk. We work with Regional Center of Orange County across Orange County and Southern California.